Tuesday 17 May is the full moon – and if you’ve been reading some of my posts – that means one thing….
NUDIE RUN!
Yep – running around stark naked in my back yard soaking up moon rays 
In Australia the weather is turning towards winter and we are having very cold nights – that has some positives – none of the neighbours are likely to be outside! And it gives us a great excuse to get busy to warm up 
Baby dust on the full moon to all!
Unfortunately – I haven’t posted for a while because I’m up the duff Real life just gets in the way and every time I sit down to blog, I get distracted by something.
So I’m just coming off AF and looking forward to another fertile period.
Puppy Ziva is settling in well and Brew Man and I are figuring out a new type of “normal” for our lives. Brew Man realised he was jealous of the time a puppy was taking from our relationship – it was the 2 of us for 10 years and a third soul in our family was an adjustment. But he has fallen in love with her. When he thinks I’m in a different room, I hear them playing, him talking – it’s great to see him shower our puppy with love
Baby dust to all xx
Posted in infertility, pets
Our family has finally increased from 2 to 3 with the addition of Ziva, our Japanese Spitz
She’s not sleeping through the night just yet – but is slowly learning that crying/barking/whining doesn’t get our attention and that if she is hungry or after a treat – she comes up to you and sits her cute butt on the ground
Just a little over 12 weeks old and I think we’re handling things ok – I’m a little anxious about being responsible for another soul/life – but made up totally by puppy cuddles
Of course, being a Spitz breed, she’s totally independent and doesn’t like doing something she doesn’t want to do!
On the TTC front, 9dpo and for the last 2 days I’ve been feeling nauseated all day (and hungry which doesn’t make for a great combination) and dead tired – I feel almost like the walking dead. I don’t think it’s puppy duties – she sleeps most of the day, heck I’ve tried sleeping during the day! And to top things off – a cold sore started developing this morning 
Thank goodness I go to acupuncture tomorrow – I can certainly use the nap!
Yesterday, my weekly acupuncture appointment confirmed ovulation – yay! The last couple of cycles we’ve been lax in the baby dancing department – every 2nd day – but luckily our fertile period started on the Friday and we managed to BD every day – yay! My TCM practitioner was very impressed with our dedication. After a few cycles of being lax and going every 2nd day, I think it made it a little easier.
We have had cycles of daily sex from CD 8 through to 16 or 17 and that (coupled with work and household duties) just feels like too much.
There was an interesting lesson learned over the weekend - shower sex is certainly not as easy as it appears on TV! Brew Man is 6’3″, I’m 5’3″ and we almost killed ourselves!! If anyone has any tips I’d love to read them
I’m also back on the powdered Chinese herbs this cycle. If you see an older-trained TCM practitioner (especially ones trained in China) – you’ll probably be on raw herbs that need to be cooked. They’re bulky, take lots of preparation and cooking them in your kitchen stinks out the whole house. I was taking some when seeing a different practitioner at the end of last year – but they threw my very predictable cycles out of whack.
So I’m back on powdered herbs from Sun Ten – they’re concentrated, so to take them I warm a small glass of water, add the prescribed number of spoons of powder, stir and drink. A lot easier than raw herbs.
The other alternative is to take Black Pearl pills (also made by Sun Ten) – the only draw back is they might not be strong enough. The pills are tiny – small ball bearing size.
On the good news front – our puppy Ziva comes home on Saturday
I’ve never owned a pet other than fish before – so I’m feeling a little paranoid. We’re enrolled to start puppy pre-school on Monday nights and I’m listening to some dog training podcasts to make sure I don’t do anything that might get Ziva into a bad habit that would be difficult to break her out of.
In a move that many would probably criticise, she’ll be toilet trained to an indoor toilet from when she comes home (3 months) until the age of 6-8 months. I do work from home 3.5 days a week, then I’m at the office for 1.5 days – so it’s more to get her into a routine for the 1.5 days when we’re not at home.
I have installed a dog door for her, but I’ve been advised not to allow puppies outside on their own until they reach 6 months.
That being said, she’ll be trained to pee indoors but we’ll also allow her to go outside if we’re already out there.
Someone said to me that last weekend was our last weekend as a family unit of 2 – felt nice hearing that
Baby dust to all (and remember, fingers crossed, legs open!)
At the beginning of the week, Brew Man told me that. I was feeling a bit down after some PG announcements on FB and he asked me what was up. I was honest and told him that seeing those announcements makes me feel like a failure.
So, in the very grumpy mood he was in, he said “get over it”
Now – for a fact I know Brew Man is desperate to be a dad. I know he wishes we’d started trying earlier (I wanted to wait). I know most of the time he doesn’t know how to treat me when it comes to IF – and honestly, it’s a 50/50 as to whether I break down and cry or I bite his head off!
Anyways – I shrugged off his words at the time. But yesterday, it got me thinking. What don’t I do because of IF? What crazy irrational things that don’t make sense?
One of them is that I don’t watch How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) since the story line moved to Lilly & Marshall trying for a baby. I don’t really need to watch comedy about how hard (or easy) it is to get pregnant. But I miss the crazy antics of Barney – so last night, I watched. It wasn’t too bad, and no TTC related stuff was mentioned. Brew Man asked why we were watching the show and I told him that it was driven by his suggestion of “get over it”. He looked pretty ashamed that I had taken his words to heart and apologised – but maybe it was a pearl of wisdom.
Of course, during the ad breaks, plenty of baby ads were on – and I watched them.
Of course I had tears rolling down my cheeks for a few.
I came out of the 2 eps feeling like a battle hardened warrior. You see shit you don’t like, shit you can’t change – so you watch it with a hardened gaze and build a wall.
Sometimes the best way to protect yourself is to remove yourself from the situation – but maybe it’s time I started on my wall.
I’m feeling hammered and beaten down by pregnancy announcements on FB, or finding out an acquaintance is a few weeks away from their due date.
Even announcements on IF blogs are giving me the peeves.
Am I happy for someone who has been through IF to finally get their dream come true? Yes
Am I angry at myself for being broken? Yes
Brew Man hates it when I call myself broken. But I am. There is nothing wrong with his swimmers – they’re apparently in the top percentiles for quality. Instead, there’s something wrong with my oven – and no body knows what the problem is so it can’t be fixed.
I fall into the “unknown” category.
And you know what – now that I’ve written that – having an “unknown cause” diagnosis is what is really giving me the shits. I’m not annoyed that there’s something wrong – I’m annoyed that I don’t know what’s wrong.
Anyways – back to blogs – does anyone continue to follow an IF blog once that person gets their BFP? I thought I could do it – but … I can’t.
Same reason why I hide people I know are PG on FB – I really don’t want to read about how terrible morning sickness is or how big their cankles are. Why depress myself?
Does un-following someone who gets their BFP make me a terrible person?
A few weeks ago I posted my concerns about how I was going to deal with my neighbour who is now 12 weeks pregnant.
Rach (over at The Miss Ruby) suggested just sitting down for a chat and laying it all out. Brew Man agreed that this was a good idea – but I’ve been a little chicken about getting around to it.
So on Friday – I did it. We had a chat after work – I explained that if sometimes I don’t comment on a related FB post or if sometimes I seem a little distant – it wasn’t that I didn’t care, more that it was hard to see someone go through what we so desperately want. She knows our history (she was a borrower of my lucky fertility books) and was worried about offending us.
And you know what?
I am actually really comfortable being around her and the bump.
I’m excited and really happy for them.
I’m not apprehensive or jealous or angry.
Surprised? I am! I don’t know why, since with other pregnancies at my work place it has been really tough, but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth
ETA: Brew Man just read this post (on my request) and had an insight. Perhaps I’m having these positive feelings because I genuinely like our neighbours – more than I like my in-law siblings – and that facilitates my genuine happiness. He’s pretty insightful
